Back then, I wondered if you read the missing paragraph from one of my posts. I just realized the existence about it; it came across my mind suddenly. I think I'm gonna write this in one whole chunk 'cos basically, I've no idea how to categorize my post tonight and yup, whatever I thought of, will be thrown into here. Today was a screwed up day but I'm already having such days ever since holidays started but anyway, after more than 3 months, I finished watching the Hot Shot episodes and ending sucked, TOTALLY. I'm left with nothing to watch for the moment now. Well, pathetic me, spent whole day at home, doing nothing at all. Nothing fruitful, nothing meaningful, nothing amazing, nothing fun, nothing serious, nothing great, nothing and nothing and nothing. Ahead of me, is my life walking aimlessly away to somewhere which I've no idea where. No idea is it bright or dim, is it I'm gonna earn big bucks or still living under the care of my parents' wings or become some worthless shit in the world, wasting all the resources. I know, it's all depend on me but fuck life, I've no idea about it, YET. Seeing people down, emotional, made me feel so bad 'cos I couldn't help much. Everyone around you is feeling down but you could only look at them, showing them some basic form of encouragement VERBALLY which doesn't help much I suppose and deep down inside you, you also feel rather down but well, you wouldn't wanna put much burden on those people anymore so you would end up, holding all these shit weighs on your broad shoulders and think it through yourself. This shit sucks but at least, it only sucks for you and no one else. You won't have to worry, being a burden to the rest, I guess.. Oh, I think I had a nightmare last night too. It's still somehow haunting me back now, like WTF. It didn't feel so real until I woke up. Nope, don't worry, it's not about you but some other people. My nightmare was a mixture of everything, everyone in my current life. I dreamt of Arvin kayaking with me in OCEAN with all the waves, probably because I kayaked with him during NIKE. Hmm.. I couldn't recall the whole dream but screw it anyway. I'm turning 1 year older in 9 days time. Any excitement? Nope. Any plan? Nope. What do I wanna do? No idea. What do I want? No idea. 18th birthday celebration was the most stuck up one and I can't be bothered much about my 19th birthday. When you pin high hopes, you fall badly. When you don't pin any hopes, you won't fall. Yes, I know. You guys gonna tell me, I must at least have some hope, must dare to take the fall so I will grow but freak you. HA-HA. It's only a birthday, it doesn't gonna make any real impact on my life. Unless, during that faithful day, someone does something that would make a change in my life then this is exceptional. That's tough, in terms of throwing a party for me, all the presents you guys are gonna buy.. I appreciate those stuffs and the thoughts but then, it's not something that could make one life changed. Get what I mean? I don't know if you guys get what I mean but this is something, a message.. I wanna divert out to people who read this post. Woah, freaaaak this, all these I've typed is not even 0.5 of what I actually wanna say. I don't know how to get it started, I feel so lost, suddenly. The usual me would definitely be straightforward in whatever I wanna say or do 'cos I don't wanna regret but right now, there's something holding me back. I'm afraid, if I were to say, everything will be ruined. "Nan Jun became a fan of I'm done trying. If you want me in your life, let me know. Bye." "Nan Jun became a fan of Whatever Happens in the past.. Stays in the past. Please dont bring it up." "Nan Jun became a fan of Don't get my hopes up, if you know you're just going to let me down." These are the recent pages I joined in Facebook, sounded true to me. HAHAHA. I meant, I bet.. All these 3, I had said to people before. HAHA. That's how straightforward I am, to protect myself from getting hurt. I mean, it hurts to be hurt, right.. So why not, make it clear so you won't get hurt but well, the other party gotta ensure you with that too. It takes 2 hands to clap clap, yo. Actually, er... Haiya, I like to have assurance and feel a sense of security, I hate to have doubts 'cos it's never been cleared. That sucks even more. Sorry, I've learnt my lesson and I needed to be true to myself. I need to have a clear distinction of some stuffs, some stuffs when people ask, I could proudly give them an answer. I don't like living in fears and uncertainties, who likes it? Well, NOT MANY but there's still this minority. Hmm.. Screw it, live life to the fullest!

BYEBYE.

Who works until so late in the night, conducting a survey?
Who works until so late in the night, chatting with the boss online?

Haha! ;)