I'm a bitch.
Be happy everyone, I've called myself a bitch. Many many many reasons why I called myself a bitch. Reason of the reasons, 'cos from the very start of all these things, I shouldn't have fallen into it and making myself and everyone else linked with this, miserable. EDITED. Anyway, it was like July to August when things kicked in. ZZZ.

From the very start,
I should have shunned away from all these things. I should have stood clear in my stand and draw a distinct line over it. People should not have started linking up everyone together. I should not have given out any means of words/shitz.

Again, it's all natural.
I could have blamed myself but you got no control over certain things, unless you are totally voided off yourself from this world. If not, things just happen naturally and nothing could do to change it. If you tell me, things can be controlled and avoided and I will tell you, then why are all these things happening repeatedly, even around the world? Everyone is just not taking control of the things they are having???

I still blame myself.
Hmm.. It's lame but again, fault lies in me. If I could handle it well, maybe such thing would not happen and it won't even be written down as history. I told both of my BFFs (nearly a year ago) that the thing was impossible (when they asked me that question) and it would not definitely happen but wtf, it somehow happened, although it was not made known officially. If I could handle it well.. If.. Everything wouldn't turn up this way.

I still blame myself x2.
If. I. Maintained. My. Choice. And. Freaking. Not. Having. My. Decision. Being. Swayed. Again. Maybe, I would be laughing like some mad woman now, with all the stupid things that I could have done at home. Is it because in my blood that a small little gesture or a few words of sentence from somebody could easily make me tied down, so suddenly? Despite the fact of having serious thoughts over it, typing it to a close friend while weeping away, I still decided to give it a try but fuck yeah, things repeated.

If I repeat my 3rd year module in this new academic year, I would fucking kill myself and die. I mean, WTF. Since everything is repeating, every BAD thing is repeating, something bad is gonna keep repeating. Nah, just kidding. (LOL)

Pinned high hopes.
I actually pinned high hopes due to the fact that when good thing comes back, it might be really a good stuff and it would stay, being after like almost close to 100 days of getting anonymously, becoming almost a complete stranger.

What could I say?
Nothing else. Sit back, relax and enjoy the world with a big heart. Well, I told one of my BFFs that, if good stuff happens again, returning back, I would still give it a go. Am I dumb or just not being sane and stepping in over and over again? The answer is, my mind and heart are just not working together and heart wins it all. Damn it!