Looking for Alaska

"You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape one day, and how awesome it will be, and imaginging that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present."

 

Often times, I remind myself to just live the moments as yesterday is over and tomorrow is not guaranteed but honestly speaking, what if the moment one is living in right now, is of an unpleasant state? 

 

What would you do? How do we overcome it?

 

Attempting to relive the past is never going to help, it hinders you from progresing further since you will always be reopening the past chapters in the book, not letting go what's supposed to be gone.

 

Maybe, all in one, we should try to make every day less miserable and see things in a positive way... Gradually, we will get to enjoy the moment, aye?

 

//

 

This is just a random post because I had a terrible night.

 

How do you describe a night that you know you are asleep but at the same thing, PHYSICALLY, you know you are awake. I've no idea what is it called, like I'm awake-sleeping?

 

It was that bad.

 

I knew I was sleeping but physically, I felt that I was awake.

It was way worse off than my usual nights of endless dreaming.

 

Despite having dreams every single night, at least, I wouldn't feel that I am physically awake, but not for the case last night. It's a huge WTF to being with but seriously, I really do own a scumbag brain which doesn't want to rest even given a chance to.

 

WHY?!

Lethargy.

Plain simply mentally, and maybe, physically drained.

//

Sleeping late is by choice.

I can only blame myself for being so deprived of sleep recently but do you think, 24 hours in a day is enough for you? Yeah, many would say if your time management is well-drafted, there would definitely be time to complete whatever you have for the agenda of the day but honestly speaking, you really can't get best of the both worlds, right?

If everything is lined-up flawlessly, with no hiccups then what's the point of living a life with no setbacks? It could be a positive stance that one is missing out, not all the setbacks are bad. Some setbacks serve as a reminder, as a motivator to us. Then again, sacrificing my sleep so I could do more things in the day... That's the opportunity cost & I hope, it will be paid off.

Actually, I have no idea why am I here blabbering about nonsensical stuffs when I can dive into my bed and swim my way to the dreamland (a place which I hate).

It's like, millions of thoughts running in my mind but I can't really construct them into proper fragments of words right now. They are like patches of clouds in the sky; a little here and there... I guess, I shall consolidate all my thoughts before coming back here again.

Just... Feeling kinda jaded.

Xx

 Fox Glacier, New Zealand

16,000ft Tandem Skydive

Just like what the board says,"The most scenic skydive!" and it totally lives up to its name.

Actually, I ran out of photos to start an entry so that is a random picture we took after our skydive at Fox Glacier. I only managed to get hold onto the photos taken by GoPro from my partner in crime today.

Though, I took a few pictures with my lovelies yesterday, both after the recce trip, & before x after the LAME AND ABSOLUTELY BORING Run For Your Lives event, I got none of the pictures HAHA & don't get me started ranting about the race... It was a free event for us but... Sigh...

So, yet another week is coming to an end again, how time flies.

How did your week go?

Each day passes by so fast, leaving me so confused and I've totally messed up on my daily activities, weekend plans... Was it Diwali on the Wednesday, where we all were exempted from work or school? It took me awhile to recall what actually happened during the week and what had I done for the week.

I have no idea why, the soul and the mind are not connected. It felt as if these two things are of two different entity, I meant, they should be connected and be fused into one entity, right? Focusing on my work was not a problem but recently, I had been repeatedly asking people or checking group chats on the dates we are going for treks, expeditions, trips.

Previously, remembering dates for stuffs is as easy as cracking my knuckles but not until now. The only thing that I know is, my weekends for October and November are well-packed, only leaving a weekend or two free from plans.

Then, while I was talking to my friend after our recce trip to Sisters Island yesterday, about how packed my weekends are, mentioning about the only weekend I am free would be the coming week. He was taken aback and so do I. Never did I know, we are actually having trekking trip this coming weekend at Broga Hill, somewhere further up KL, in Malaysia.

All the while, I thought it would be the 2nd weekend of November and apparently, it isn't the case. It looks like I am losing the grip of my own life. Beats me, I really don't know why.

Is it because my mind is clouded, or am I just jaded from what's happening around me. Then again, what the heck is bothering me? I DON'T EVEN KNOW. Why am I losing touch? I DON'T KNOW.

At this rate, I am absolutely going mad.

Maybe I should totally switch myself into Zen mode and clear my mind.

Oh, and I realized, I really cannot run without listening to music and this is a pretty bad thing. It's better to be self-reliance and now, I can't seem to survive a run without music. :(

//

Oh well, Sunday is ending soon in few more hours.

BUT.

I hope this brand new week will be as amazeball as you!

Xx

― Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

That, speaks my heart out.

There is always a voice ringing in my head,"Hey, it's been awhile since I met up with xxx, maybe it's time for a catch-up..." and this, never happens. I can blame nobody because I am always (99%) of the time, the one who doesn't really transform my thoughts into actions.

Sometimes, it just drains me out, having to catch up with a friend or two. I would certainly prefer staying home alone, just laze my day away. Why? It feels better to have a golden silence than having the need to find topics for conversation with friends whom I've not been meeting up with. To me, it feels like a burden... Unless, the catching up consists of activities like some paddling actions, treks/hikes, just... Sports.

As we grow older, some friends stay, some friends go. Often, things come and go, that's the cycle. That's life. Probably, that's why people always say we should live in the moment because tomorrow is not promised.

I've had my fair share of losing some friends in one way or another, or rather, the friends whom I was once close with, weren't as close anymore. Everyone has their own lives to live, a path they have paved for themselves. Just as when one has started his new job, or enrolled into a new school, friends change or social circle expands. New friends, new colleagues, and inevitably, time that's gonna be spent with them would be longer...

Then, maintaining friendships with the old friends seem a little tougher. The meet-ups are now harder to accommodate to everyone's preferred timing, conversations get shorter, and etc... Ever since I'd gotten my Diploma, I could actually count the number of times I'd meet up with my batch mates from poly.

It's really just so pathetic.

No, it's not anybody's fault but really, everyone's tied up with their own schedule. Work, studies, exams, exchange, family, boyfriend, girlfriend... Again, it's a little challenging to arrange a date where everyone is actually free.

Yeah, I know.

Everyone's gonna say if you want something to happen, you always can make time for it which to me, I am totally putting both my hands up and nod my head aggressively to show that I am alongside with this statement.

I certainly believe that if you've the heart and determination to actually make things happen, you will do it no matter what.

Basically, when someone tells you that "I am not free" and also the overly used 3 words,"See how again" only can have 2 possible meanings,

1) They are REALLY not free.

2) They'd probably rather sleep than to meet you.

Most of the time, people take a rain check because they do not want to meet you. They would rather stalk you on all the social media platforms available to "catch-up" with your life rather than a genuine meet-up, and that is why, recently... I've been thinking, maybe I should get off from Facebook for a moment.

For me, I would go all-out if I really wanna have a meet-up, going across the border just to spend a couple of hours with people who are worthy of my time. But, sometimes, thoughts like,"Oh damn, I wonder if they actually wanna meet up with me or they feel like they are obliged to do so since I am crossing the border for them." would surface.

It's just... Tough.

To keep the fire burning in a friendship.

Certainly, once the fire is extinguished, it's gonna be a daunting task to reignite it.

So please, make time for people who are always there for you, literally or figuratively.

(Okay, I should be doing that as I preach too)

//

Remember

Keep those who care close to you.

//

Then again, how do one actually maintain a friendship?

Xx

Te Anau, South Island

New Zealand

(Largest lake in South Island, second only within New Zealand to Lake Taupo)

Haze, haze, go away...

As the day gets warmer with the heat trapped in the air due to the haze from god knows where, it just makes my Monday a little humid and sweaty. Adding on to the list, soreness of my muscles (from the run I had yesterday & napping in the afternoon with no pillow underneath my head) has arrived, coupled with a stuffy nose.

In times like this (not always but sometimes), it just sets you thinking... In any aspect of your life because you have generally nothing to do; more like you don't feel like doing anything for the fact that the weather is just too humid to handle. The mind of yours just starts to generate any thoughts, good thoughts or bad thoughts but yeah, thoughts.

Recently, my brothers have just adopted a pup within the neighbourhood. Long story short, a stray terrier was found in our estate, someone took her in because of the bad weather at night. Weeks later, she gave birth to six pups but one of the pups, unfortunately died because the mother didn't have ample time to chew off the umbilical cord. Yeah, and my two brothers adopted it while I was still roadtrippin' in New Zealand.

 Auckland, New Zealand.

Stopped by some park, picked up a feather left by the... Pigeon, took a photo of it.

& so you know...

I flew to New Zealand with my parents & their friends for the Chinese New Year, exactly a month ago. First flight was from SGP to Sydney, Australia, on the night of 7th Feb, then transiting to Auckland on the 8th Feb morning. We toured New Zealand for 11 days before this trip had to end with an awesome note.

You wonder... How did I mingle with all the old married couples.

Old married couples, it refers to the age range of at least 45 - 58? They are a bunch of golfers with their spouses. Initially, the trip was to have tee-off session in New Zealand but thankfully, they voided the idea and made it as a sightseeing roadtrip! Anyhow, I just had to join in the conversations of how aunties and uncles communicate. They do talk to me, about all the adventurous stuffs, telling me about their past as a kid & whatnot.

Oh, there was a family in the trip too, they brought their son and daughter, aged 16 & 5 respectively. The mom is a Taiwanese, so the kids have this Taiwanese accent which made them sound so professional when speaking mandarin compared to the rest of us. The daughter ought to be awarded with a "Most Sociable Kid" trophy. She was like an apple of everyone's eyes man, she went around hugging everyone, even to some Korean women when we were onboard, cruising through Milford Sound.

It's a choice.

It's easy to socialize as long as you want to but sometimes... I'm kinda reluctant to talk much, it depends on the situation too. I'd talk more to people who are way older than me as a form of respect. I meant, you wouldn't wanna be disrespectful and trying to shun away from them when they just need to find someone to talk to, right? Imagine, you might be one of them as years go by... Karma hits you in your face, unexpectedly quick and hard. Seriously, I really do believe in karma, sometimes... I'd go MIA halfway when people whatsapp me, & it does happen on me as well. It sucks but then you will get used to it in time though.

About this NZ roadtrip...

Pictures really speak a thousand of words. The scenery was AMAZING, SPECTACULAR, BREATHTAKING, EYE-CATCHING, FABULOUS, STUNNING, MAGNIFICENT, ASTONISHING, AWESOME, etc... It was soooo laidback, you would get tranquilized just by staring at the skies, enjoying the cool & non-sticky breeze, mesmerizing the calm translucent rivers and valleys. This is to an extent that you would just wanna migrate there and be a farmer forever. You just gotta buy a piece of land, transform it into an orchard and plant some fruit trees, or just rear some moo moo and meh meh, milk them whenever they are ready or shave their furs! You could live there like for the rest of your retirement life.

It's a place for EVERYBODY.

Many sightseeing could be done (for the grey hairs) or adventurous activities such as... Tandem skydiving, bungee jumping, trekking, mountain biking, bouldering, kayaking and many other adrenalin activities! It's really awesome because... You can witness aurora over there at Lake Tekapo!! JUST KIDNAP ME AND SEND ME BACK THERE ALREADY. Weather was super awesome as well, I went there during the last few weeks of Summer, the temperature was like 10 - 23 degree Celsius! Just a sweater would do the trick but Southern part of New Zealand was colder... Anyway, you will be accustomed to the weather as well, after a few days there.

I know right...

Up till now, I haven't really penned down anything about my trip there, just some brief introduction on New Zealand. I took at least 2000 shots of pictures over there man, it's stored in another harddisk of mine which I passed to a friend & haven't had the chance to retrieve it. Hmm, but... I think... I should have the backed up copies in the SD card if I didn't delete them to make space for some other shoots. I will upload soon, on Facebook, and some on this blog when I have a faster internet speed, hopefully by next week!!

The bottom line:

It's really a superb country and I will go back again to complete what I didn't manage to, with some close and awesome friends.

-

Recently, about my life...

It's really same shit but different day.

Schooling is like holidaying for this semester.

Considering, I only need to complete 3 courses, my timetable is SUPER slack. School is on every Monday & Wednesday. I do usually have super long weekend, from Thursday to Sunday, and then, off day on every Tuesday. Everyday after school, I would ask myself this,"Have I learn something in school today? Or am I just attending the lecture because of the sake for it?" I'm a full-time student but it feels like I'm studying as a part-time student instead. I do follow up and complete my assignments but... You will experience this.. Hmm, how do I phrase it... It's so hard to describe a feeling... It's something like,"HEY, 3 hours in school & it feels like holidays again!! It's so slack that I don't feel like studying..." Something along that line... 

Therefore... To make my life more interesting...

I've been going out on every Thursday for some sports with the old birds from SPA. I would specially head to Singapore in the noon and wait for them to end their work so we could do some running around MBS, from boat quay that area to MBS, then spend time together during dinner. Normally, I would meet my soul a.k.a Cynthia Neo, for a movie or some pre-running activity like... BADMINTON. It's insane looking at the way we play. It fits this phrase,"PATTERN MORE THAN BADMINTON" literally. We always come up with stupid ideas when playing badminton, from running through 3 empty courts while hitting the shuttlecock to and fro, or that, yesterday, we actually played with more than one shuttlecock in a game. It's even more tiring than expected and I have blister on my finger because of it. IT'S ALL WORTH IT THOUGH.

Sometimes, you just need some sports to divert your attention.

I cannot stand staying at home alone, facing the laptop all day long. It just feels so sad and lonely, sometimes. Hanging out with friends are always better than being alone, although sometimes you need some me-time but you won't want that to come so often because it would mean... You're on the downside of your life and need a quiet moment for yourself before tuning back to the usual life and stepping back into this hectic life.

Life would be really boring...

If you have nothing to worry about, nothing to get frustrated with, nothing to look forever to, nothing to be happy for. Whatever life throws you, just embrace it because it won't last forever. Problems will always be solved, happy moments will be gone so cherish it whenever you get to enjoy it. If you don't get to experience all the downs, you definitely won't truly understand the meaning of happiness... Life is a lesson, you learn from it, gain all the experiences, and then, cultivate a even better life ahead. Sometimes, you land yourself into some shithole situations but just tell yourself, things will be okay, if it's not okay, it's not the end. Life goes on! Get through the downside, then enjoy the awesome moments.

There won't be rainbow without the rain.

Life is like a rollercoaster, there will bound to have all the ups & downs so you can feel all the excitement, and making sure... You're not a robot to not feel anything or be being so insensitive and not emotional at all.

Xx